Guess What??!! I got drunk last night. I do not remember what happen but I will let ya'll know the parts I remember: We began the night with a shot of tequila, then we played a game called "Never have I" with shots of Wild Irish Rose; Why Wild Irish Rose you ask? Well, it was only $1.99 : ); Then we had beer and then I am lost. My friends told me that I was fighting everyone and crying. How embarrassing is that. Well today me and Fonda are just watching our dramas all night before we begin studying for our exams tomorrow....Ewwww Exams!!!! I hate them. Well gotta go, talk to you guys later....peace! I love you Tomoya Nagase!!! Ken Zhou!!!! Park Yong Ha!!!! Mwah!!!!

Have not written in my blog in a while, I just seem to get on the computer to watch my dramas, starting today, I am going to start writing in it everyday. I have a lot of built up emotions and need to let them out before I explode. I feel like shit everyday. I try to make myself feel so strong and confident but that is not true. I have no confidence in myself for real, but how do you let your friends know that you really do not like yourself. I feel so inferior because it's like I cannot truly tell people what happened to me with Jimmy. I see the change within myself and hurts to see myself falling into this dark hole of depression and low self worth. Why me!!! That is what I want to know. Why did I stay. Why didn't I get up and leave when I felt that something was about to happen. How can I stop the tears from falling when I feel that everyone around me is judging me. How can I look my friends in the face and smile when I feel that they may not like me if I reveal my self to be this vulnerable person. It's sad to see myself in this state. I have gained so much weight due to what happened, my ability to love myself has deteriorated and I do not trust anyone. I sit in my dorm room everyday when I am alone at night and just cry. How do I know that my friends genuily care about me. I have a feeling that in some way they want to hurt me. I do not know why. They are the best people you will ever know, but when you cannot trust people, it is kind of hard. What should I do. The friends I have made her at school so far are the most wonderful people I have ever met. I really like them and feel that I can tell them everything, but sometimes I may go to far because I tell other things about myself to cover up what I am really dying to say to everyone. What I really want to say is am I really worth being friends with. Do not get me wrong, but sometimes I feel that I have to push friends away so that they will not be hurt by what I am going through. I feel sometimes that it might be better for me to be alone than hurt people with what I have bottled up inside. The girls I have met this semester have really help me see that I am not alone in this. That I am not the only person who has been betrayed by others. I really regard these girls as true friends and hope that we will be in each others lives in the years to come. I love you guys...Tanisha, Fonda, and Chon...My girls. On a lighter note so that it will not feel to tense in here, move over F4, I ma in love with someone else. He is talented, gorgeous, and has a smile that would make you faint. Who is he you ask? His name is Tomoya Nagase (if you did not catch the title). There are many reasons why I am completely taken with Tomoya Nagase, (1) When I watch Mukodono (my husband), I can not help but get pulled into his character Yuichiro Sakuraba, I can only say one thing, SEXY AS HELL!!! (2) His smile is one that would make you put on sunglasses at night. It is absolutely beautiful. His teeth are beautiful and when he smiles, his eyes squint up...It is the cutest thing I have ever seen. (3) I love the way he seems to have an attitude that is both sexy and sweet at the same time. If you watch Mukodono, pay attention to the scene where he and Sakura are making up the bed and she teases him about all the women that want to hug him, he is the cutest thing I have ever seen. I will defenintly buy more dramas with him in them, not only because he is cute, he can really act. He is also in a music group, Tokio. I heard a couple of their songs and they sounded really good, so I am definitely a fan and will support them. Well that is about it ssoooo...Peace and I will talk to you guys later.